For the last 3 years or so, I've shaved my head at least twice a week. It's my style. I like it. The ladies like it and I'm pretty sure it's in my NSA profile picture. But every few years, I decide to grow my hair out.
I done gone and tried it again. I have about a half of a half of a half an inch. It's just enough to let me know I'm not going bald yet. Also, it it is long enough to brush which reminded me that I don't even have a hair brush.
That realization made me realize something else: I have no idea how to treat my hair. Like I said, I've had hair before. Fade to cesar to twisties to fro, I've seen it all. I've even made it to cornrows. The thing is, I always find my way back home. One of the main factors is that I have no idea what to do with hair.
I am 36 years old, and I have literally never bought shampoo. I've bought sunscreen. I've bought a wedding ring. Shit, I've bought tampons with a straight face on several occasions but never shampoo. Pussy and shampoo are two things that I totally see the purpose of but I'm just never going to pay for.
I know that I even have a dry scalp. Just like my dry penis, all it takes it couple minutes in the shower to take care of it but no. I'm just out here with my scalp all dry and hair running every which way. I have a headscarf that I've seen at some point this year, something tells me my wife may have adopted it. It doesn't matter. That thing makes me look like a pirate anyway.
The pirate impersonation isn't the craziest part. The wildest thing is that every time i have two shots of liquor, I want to edge my hair up in the bathroom mirror. Some niggas start drinking and become philosophers, some niggas get gay, I turn into a barber; a really shitty barber. I mean, I'm presentable but far from "crispy". (Crispy is black slang for well groomed, by the way)
With all of this to consider, you may be asking me "Why the hell are you growing it out, then?" The answer is that I don't know. It's just something to do. It's like rec league sports, the only payoff is heartbreak but some times hoes find it interesting.
Maybe growing my hair out will make people realize that I'm hot with a shaved head. It may also have something to do with most of my supervisors balding and I'm just petty enough to go around looking like a maniac just to show them I have a solid testosterone level and that I can still look like I'm 25 when I want. That isn't the whole reason but it did make me smile just to write it down. Oh well.
Anyhoo, I'm sure I'll wake up one day, walk in front of the mirror and decide that is the day that the fluff dies. Apparently I like being hot more than I like being petty. That's a good thing, right?
So, if you catch me on the instagrammer flexing for the hoes and wonder why I have this asymmetrical mess on my head, there is no need to tell me that I look a mess. I'm aware. Just know this, my hair is like my clothes. Shabby as hell but hiding something hot as fuck underneath.
[authors note: I tried to take a hair selfie but it made my forehead look big as hell]
I done gone and tried it again. I have about a half of a half of a half an inch. It's just enough to let me know I'm not going bald yet. Also, it it is long enough to brush which reminded me that I don't even have a hair brush.
That realization made me realize something else: I have no idea how to treat my hair. Like I said, I've had hair before. Fade to cesar to twisties to fro, I've seen it all. I've even made it to cornrows. The thing is, I always find my way back home. One of the main factors is that I have no idea what to do with hair.
I am 36 years old, and I have literally never bought shampoo. I've bought sunscreen. I've bought a wedding ring. Shit, I've bought tampons with a straight face on several occasions but never shampoo. Pussy and shampoo are two things that I totally see the purpose of but I'm just never going to pay for.
I know that I even have a dry scalp. Just like my dry penis, all it takes it couple minutes in the shower to take care of it but no. I'm just out here with my scalp all dry and hair running every which way. I have a headscarf that I've seen at some point this year, something tells me my wife may have adopted it. It doesn't matter. That thing makes me look like a pirate anyway.
The pirate impersonation isn't the craziest part. The wildest thing is that every time i have two shots of liquor, I want to edge my hair up in the bathroom mirror. Some niggas start drinking and become philosophers, some niggas get gay, I turn into a barber; a really shitty barber. I mean, I'm presentable but far from "crispy". (Crispy is black slang for well groomed, by the way)
With all of this to consider, you may be asking me "Why the hell are you growing it out, then?" The answer is that I don't know. It's just something to do. It's like rec league sports, the only payoff is heartbreak but some times hoes find it interesting.
Maybe growing my hair out will make people realize that I'm hot with a shaved head. It may also have something to do with most of my supervisors balding and I'm just petty enough to go around looking like a maniac just to show them I have a solid testosterone level and that I can still look like I'm 25 when I want. That isn't the whole reason but it did make me smile just to write it down. Oh well.
Anyhoo, I'm sure I'll wake up one day, walk in front of the mirror and decide that is the day that the fluff dies. Apparently I like being hot more than I like being petty. That's a good thing, right?
So, if you catch me on the instagrammer flexing for the hoes and wonder why I have this asymmetrical mess on my head, there is no need to tell me that I look a mess. I'm aware. Just know this, my hair is like my clothes. Shabby as hell but hiding something hot as fuck underneath.
[authors note: I tried to take a hair selfie but it made my forehead look big as hell]
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