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Showing posts from June, 2017

Hypertension

I'm officially on drugs now.  Some shit called Amlodipine that may or may not give me cankles.  As you can imagine, I am not very excited about this.

The reason that I have to pop a pill every day is because a month ago my blood pressure was 160/120 which, for those of you scoring at home, is high as fuck.  Monday, my doctor had me in to make sure the first check was no anomaly.  This time my blood pressure was 180/110 which prompted an "Oh my goodness" from my nurse.  So what I'm saying is, I have high blood pressure.

What sucks about this development is that it is usually reserved for people that are overweight.  While I am carrying an old man pudge of a belly, I am 6 foot (6' 3" when leaving Family Dollar on State Ave) and 185 pounds of cut muscle.  Did I mention I was hot? Never mind that because hypertention has it's probz.

This is terrible for several reasons.  First and foremost, It could cause my dick to stop working in the next decade or so.  I…

Time Machine

People like to play with the thought experiment of "Would you kill baby Hitler?"  The idea is that it says something about you that you would either kill or save a baby, based on the probability that he was going to grow to be a monster.

Given what we know about the history of Germany, I say kill that baby.  I'd beat that baby with an aluminum bat.  I'd castrate his dad and kick his mom square in the pussy on the way out.  Maybe I'm a bad person but I didn't kill millions of Jews and if I had to take a chance on the future for and Ann Frank and nem, that's gonna be one dead baby Adolf.

That being said, I kinda feel like there are other people in history that needed to be stopped for the greater good.  There has been some unnecessary ass lives that have been lived and if I ever get my time machine up and working, here are few people that you won't remember existing:

Whoever invented Caps Lock.  People have wasted countless hours deleting and re-typing…

Happy Father's Day, Lou.

First off, nobody cares about Father's Day.  I have two kids and I don't care about Father's Day.

That being said, I owe the men in my life everything that I have.  Like, not more than the women, but still everything if that makes any sense.

My dad wasn't good at it.  Making kids, sure.  Providing a moral compass and the like? Not so much.  He loved us, that was for sure and that is the metaphorical first base and even if your nigga don't get home, you can appreciate him getting on base.

The dude that is most responsible, good or bad, for who I am is Marshall Louis Hayes, Jr.

My Brother was born 8 years before me, in the prime spot for role modeling.  Like chasing the future, he is something I can never catch up to.  I have always been smart, but not as smart as Lou.  I'm strong  but not as strong as Lou, aside from Renaissance fest 2013 when I beasted him and my brother in law in the strength tester (I beasted everybody 3 for 3).

He is smart.  He takes Ls for …