Cogito Awards

Cogito Awards

2012 has been a rough year.  Not just for me, but for America.  That being said, there has been some pretty noteworthy shit that has gone down and I would be remiss not to acknowledge some of the year’s over and under achievers.  With that, this is the 2012 Cogito awards!!!!

Warning: There is no rhyme or reason to most of this.

Album of the Year:  I only bought rap albums this year and none of the ones I picked up disappointed in the least.  Xzibit, B.o.B, Killer Mike and Lupe Fiasco all dropped great albums this year.  All of them worth the money but it was a late comer that really shut it down.  Big Boi’s Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors is the album of the year.  It is a work of art the likes of which we have come to expect from the cats from Outkast and this was another step forward in their legacy.

Twitter moment of the year:  Stacy Dash goes Clueless.  It wasn’t Stacy Dash’s love of Mitt Romney that was such a big deal but that Black folks acted a pure fool over it.  Naturally, when right leaning networks got wind of it they threw liberal Black people under the bus… again.  I bet they still wonder how they got so little of the Black vote.

Uncle Tom of the Year:  Tim Scott.  Brothaman made it to the U.S. Senate by backing the most useless group in U.S. history.  Their whole ideology is to make the national government as useless as possible and apparently they are doing a good job.  Tim Scott didn’t get elected but was appointed.  It will be really interesting to see what happens in the next South Carolina primary when a good ole’ boy goes up against the nigra.  For now, Sen. Scott is going to distract the Senate from being useful to anyone but major corporations.  Congrats.  Enjoy your award.

Shameful Assholes of the Year:  The NRA.  20 children lost their lives and instead of biting the bullet on the bad publicity, these motherfuckers actually had the audacity to suggest that we need more guns.  This time they want to sell guns to schools to keep the bad guys out.  The problem is that if they don’t have to face people with assault weapons, there is no need to have armed guards in schools.  That’s just the bottom line.  However, the NRA has no interest in the safety of citizens; their job is to sell guns.  That is their only concern and they are hiding behind the second amendment to do so.  How many more people need to die before we stop falling for this B.S.?  Seriously, ask yourself: If the government decided to take over your town with all their tanks and planes and the like, what the fuck are you going to do with AR-15 aside from get yourself killed?

Citizenry Awards:  States of Colorado and Washington.  Not only did these fools actually get the legalization of Marijuana on the ballot this November, they actually passed it.  Now, I don’t know how they are managing to import all of that weed across state lines but enjoy it, homies.  You’ve earned it.

Sportsman of the Year:  Lebron James.  Love him or hate him you have to admit that the man got the job done.  Even though he had the best backup dancers in NBA history, last year, it was proven that they could be beaten.  Still, Lebron and the gang went out and got it and you gotta respect it.

Female Celebrity of the Year:  Katie Holmes.  We all knew Tom Cruise was a controlling, crazy little man but Katie showed some serious guts leaving his ass.  She appears to be moving on and I have to admit, I didn’t think she had it in her.  She looked like one of those kids that get rescued from one of those Mormon compounds in West Texas.  You proved me wrong, young lady.  Kudos.

Male Celebrity of the Year:  Michael Strahan.  Now, I know big Mike can seem to be Uncle Tomming it up sometimes in the mornings but you have to understand, this dude was once one of the most feared men in the NFL.  Now he has soccer moms foaming at the mouth.  My man is doing it big.  Well done, sir.

Useless Motherfuckas of the Year:  Congress.  Not only are these assholes useless, they wrote into the budget that everyone in the country is going to be screwed if they continue to be useless.  Guess what happened.  I suppose we have another day to see if they go over the “Fiscal Cliff” but the fact that it came to this is downright bull shit.

Stunt of the Year:  Nik Wallenda tightropes into Canada.  This dude walked across Niagra falls on a freaking tightrope.  He had the safety harness but still, that shit was crazy.  I know that there was a guy that jumped from space, which was really cool, but he had on a space suit and all he really did was fall for like half an hour.  That shit don’t take talent.

Video of the Year:  Cleveland bus driver uppercut.  You have got to go on YouTube and see this shit.  This old ass man got off a perfect Mortal Kombat uppercut on a girl that was acting a fool on the bus.  She took it like a G, but damn that was terrible and hilarious at the same time. 

You know, it was a good year for ridiculousness.  The election, the Romney “47%” video, Pacquiao getting knocked out, the Aurora shooter, wild fires galore, hurricane Sandy, the Newtown Connecticut shooter, Javon Belcher, Snooki’s baby and countless other things made this a crazy year.  It’s funny though, I still look out my window and see a beautiful world.  I got married this year.  I even managed to get the wife pregnant.  I got to hang with my brother for a whole month and even shared some smiles with my dad before he left this world.  With all the craziness that happened in 2012, I am glad to say that I was a part of it.  Good luck to you all in 2013.  I’m going to bring a child and my first book into the world next year.  With two such blessings on the horizon, let’s all work to keep the fuckery to a minimum, okay?