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Me and Jesus are still cool

People might get from me that I'm not a Christian; and they might be right but only because what people say is Christianity is kinda stupid.  Not that Christianity is stupid its just they have gone so far from the original ideas Jesus was putting forth.

Me and Jesus are cool.  Jesus keeps me loving the idiots of the world instead of going psycho with a shotgun and no, I will not kill myself when surrounded.  I play a lot of Left 4 Dead and them zombies better swarm me before I reload.

Off topic, I know.  Killing people and Jesus doesn't really mix, unless you vote republican in the name of Jesus.  If Jesus wanted G.W. Bush to president I guess he doesn't give a shit about Iraqi lives.  Seriously, how much callousness could Jesus be down with?  Wouldn't Jesus want universal health care from a nation that could clearly afford it?

Politicians aren't the only thing that gets between me and Jesus.  The pastors of the world also trip me out.  Too many of them attract followers in the thousands and then get caught with hookers, beat their children sleep with little boys and get their kicks with crystal meth.

My favorite example of a Holy man tripping out is Kirk Franklin's Porn addiction.  I don't know if that could get more ridiculous.  First of all his wife is mad hot.  She also a super prude.  I don't know what people see in women that dress like Barbara Bush but something about that makes me want to see a naked chick going for hers with Ron Jeremy.  Secondly, who gets addicted to porn?  That shit is only awesome for 20 minutes tops.  After that, it's just nasty.  Rational niggas know that treating women like that ain't kosher.

Another thing that gets between Jesus and I is church.  Church usually comes early Sunday morning and 9 times out of 10 its boring as hell.  Now, I love a good church choir, I can even enjoy a good children's choir but church isn't a concert.  Its usually a good percentage of going through the agenda with stuff like listing the sick, announcing the next picnic and the regularly scheduled prayer.  Then, of course, there's the collections.  Most of the churches I've been in have 2 or three of these.

I treat churches like I treat bums, you get to ask for money once... ONCE!  If that ain't enough for you then you ain't getting jack.  I understand that there might be a few problems in the church that you might need to contend with but that is a little division away from being settled.  I don't have different accounts for the lights and the rent.. because I didn't fail elementary math.

Then there's the church people.  Half of them are crazy as hell.  They are the most judgemental people in the Black community and are quick to commit their own "sins".  I know a lot of single mothers that always go to church.  I love my single moms out there but why are they quick to go all self righteous on you?  It's always some woman with three kids with baby daddies in jail that tries to tell you she wants a man from the church.  Then there's the line "Jesus is the only man I need."  Now, we all got needs, and there's one particular need that Jesus is not going to help you with. 

Another thing; why do so many church people have so many sexual dysfunctions.  Pedophiles and closet homosexual always look for religion hide out.  Then they ask for your prayer all after they get busted.  Jesus is my homeboy but my homeboys don't always give good advice.  If Jesus was Tammy Faye Bakker's real friend, shouldn't he have told her that all that make-up looks ridiculous?  Well, I haven't seen her out of the makeup, she might look like E.T. when she gets out the shower.  I'll cut Jesus a little slack.

There's a saying I like.  Edmund Burke said "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men do nothing."  Why do so many "good" people prove themselves worthless from Sunday afternoon until Sunday morning?  Going to church doesn't count for anything except indoctrination.  You want to help, do something aside from hearing or speaking "the message".

Also, how many times do you have to take Jesus class before you get credit?  Jesus has had the same message for 2000 years, how many times do you have to hear it before it sinks in?

Before I put my soapbox away, I also want to talk about the distorted view of self worth people get after they been hanging with Jesus.  The misogyny is just ridiculous in most churches.  The gay bashing keeps people in the closet and it gives most of the men egos that they don't come close to deserving.  Then, there's the message that you should live through this life struggling so as to not end up in hell.  Being human will not get you into hell.  Denying your human feelings will only make you suffer through this life and though Jesus did suffer greatly, he did it so we wouldn't have to.

That was the message I got from my man Jesus.  Love each other, love yourself and don't be afraid of sin, you're good cause he put it down for you.  That is three simmple statements, how the heck did we end up with all these add ons?  I hope Jesus will forgive us for the foolishness we do in his name.

Amen. [Takes soapbox and goes home]

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