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Dream Small


There was once a point in my life that all I ever wanted to be was an average Joe.  You know, work at a desk, stare at a computer and drive a nice Honda Civic and shit.  But, you see, there was one fatal flaw in that plan.  It seems like that sort of thing just isn’t in my nature.

I’ve always been a bit of a dreamer and being a nobody just wasn’t going to sit right with me for forever.  Don’t get me wrong, I really like having steady income.  I especially like the kind of money that I can stack up and spend on the weekends.  However, there has always been that part of me that strived for something more.

Even going to college was a part of dreaming big for me.  That college life I saw on TV didn’t relate to me but I’ve always been a bit of a braniac and if you want to increase your brain power, college is the place to be.

So I chased that dream and not long after I finished, I dreamt of more education and so I went back.  Call it delusions of grandeur or whatever you want, all these years later, I still want more.

Soon I will be a published author and as that time draws closer I reflect on what it takes to chase a dream and if there’s one thing about chasing your dreams that I want to share with you, it is that chasing your dreams fucking sucks.

Seriously though, it’s terrible.

I went to college to be a happy corporate cog and that shit didn’t pan out at all.  The best job I got was changing oil at Wal-Mart.

Then I went to study philosophy and while I did learn a great deal about the world and myself, I unfortunately learned that there is an inordinate amount or irrational, stupid motherfuckers in the world.  We’ll call that one a scratch.

Now I got this book coming out and I will be very proud of it, even it sells one copy, but I have given up a lot for this dream.  Not so much as the 50 grand I’ve spent on education, but still, there’s definitely been some cost.  I haven’t had a real job for over a year.  I haven’t had a car for longer than that.  Whilst trying to finish this book I’ve been forced to work day labor jobs and live off of unemployment.  Also, during this time, I not only got married, but managed to knock up my wife.  So now I have a wife, a baby on the way and no damned job (I’m looking though, I’m looking)… but one hell of a dream.

I don’t expect that I’ll become some world famous author or anything but hey, that shit certainly wouldn’t have happened if I never wrote the book so fuck it, I wrote the book.

If I ever make it big, we can all go back to this blog post and laugh.  However, if I one day find myself a retiring janitor let this be a lesson for posterity.  Do yourself a favor, stick to dreaming about getting laid.  That shit is gonna happen eventually… well, for most of us. 

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