Sometimes I Just Fuck up

I have had a few relationships in my short time on this Earth.  I only really messed up one.  Okay, I sort of messed up another one but not really.  I just failed to save it because I was lazy.  Still not really my fault.

The one I did mess up, It didn't go south because I was cheating or slapping her around or anything.  I just wasn't a very supportive boyfriend.  I was some of the time, she was just going through some rough stuff and ya boy just wasn't in the mood to be a shoulder to cry on.  Looking back, that was a jack ass kind of a way to act.  My bad.  At least I can say I learned from it.  The ex doesn't even beef with me, which is always good.

I don't have beef with any of my exes and one of their asses was CRAZY.  I mean, she tried to hit a girl with a plate kind of crazy.  And that was after she constantly cheated on me.  Like every weekend she would apparently get drunk with some Kappas and suck anything they put in front of her.  Thinking back, that bitch was crazy buuuuuuuuuut it was all the sex I could handle.  Ya boy was getting it good and getting it often!  That is probably why I stuck around so long.  Well, honestly, that was the only reason I stuck around so long.  Don't judge me, that shit was good.  I might have to take a cold shower just thinking about it.

Anyhoo.  Thinking back, I sure did get the boot in most of my previous relationships.  Now, most of those girls were tripping.  You see, I'm not your average Black dude and most of the girls I've dated have been attracted to stereotypical black dudes.  If some random ass nigga in a baseball hat would hit on my girl at a gas station, I would be single in a matter of weeks.

Oh well, if that's what they liked, they didn't need to be dating my ass anyway.  That shit would happen to me with Black women and White women.  What is it about a nigga with an I.Q. around 90 and a baseball hat that women just can't resist?  Must have been all that annoying enunciating I was doing.

There was one woman that was apparently falling in love with me but I had no clue.  We rolled in the same circles so after we broke up/drifted apart (meaning , we stopped calling each other for sex) I started hearing from her friends that she was so in to me and how much she liked me.  I had no clue about any of this.  Sure, she would always give me that dreamy look after sex, but I thought that was because ummmmmm I be Strokin'.  

It sucks to find out that you broke somebody's heart on accident.  Ok, ok... Maybe I did mess up 2 relationships.  That shit was at least partly her fault.  If she would have made her feelings available to a brotha I definitely would have continued calling her for sex.  Just kidding, I would have loved to get in a healthy relationship with the lady I just didn't think she wanted me for anything but sex.  Official total: I messed up 1.4 relationships.

I know people often look back and think they shouldn't have messed with this girl or that girl but not me.  I enjoyed every single one of those relationships.  I especially enjoyed every freaking time I had sex.  EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Looking back, the only things I regret is not trying to get with a few great women that I've met along the way.  It started real early.  Before I had even got a kiss, this girl I used to have a crush on since grade school had gotten knocked up by some other kid.  The dude wasn't a bad guy, I kind of like him but still.

I used to be real cool with this girl I met at KU.  This woman was freaking beautiful.  What does she do now?  She's a freaking lingerie model!  Did I roll up on her all smooth and whisper something sweet in her ear?  Nope.  Buy her a beer?  Lean in for a kiss?  Press my luck by copping a feel on the dance floor?  Nope.  Nope. Never.  Mind you, this girl would flirt with me in public any time she saw me.  But to me, she was so out of my league.  I guess I figured some baseball hat nigga would eventually steal her so I never tried.  You see this is back in the day before I joined a fraternity and started getting in to hip-hop culture.  Basically I had no game and no confidence.  Nowadays I border on being arrogant.  Back then I bordered on being a punk.  I'm much happier now...

There was another girl.  She might be the second hottest girl I would excessively flirt with.  She even gave me the digits.  What did I do?  Oh, I started sleeping with her best friend.  Not my best move.  Not that her friend was all bad either.  I enjoyed our time together but it killed any chance of me hooking up with my crush. 

There's another girl.  She is the sweetest woman I've ever known.  She was tall dark and shapely.  We went out one night and it happened to be dollar tequila shot night.  I distinctly remember dancing with her and sensation I got (after quite a few shots) when I felt her breath on my neck.  I mean damn!  She was messing with some sucka so she deliberately cut it off when it became clear that the current path was going to lead to nudity.  I just let it happen..or not happen.  What happened to her?  Knocked up by the sucka.

But now, I have a good woman that really loves my crazy ass.  I can't be too mad because all of my past failures have lead me to her.  I hope we stay together.  I promise not to sleep with her friends, let her cry on me and actively engage her feelings.  That's pretty much my relationship repertoire after 31 years of life.  Let's hope it works.