Cogito Ergo

In the midst of war (we are at war if you didn’t know) and three made up scandals in Washington, there were two stories in the news this week that really shook me up.   It wasn’t because it was some tragedy or something about the world we live in, it was because it reminded me that I too am a product of society no matter how I fancy myself an outsider.   That being said, let’s talk about Amanda Bynes’ front and Beyoncé’s rear. Story 1:   Amanda Bynes gets arrested for throwing a bong out of the window; completely pointless news.   No harm no foul.   My only problem with that story is that the door man called the cops on her.   What kind of punk ass door man is that?   Then, Amanda comes out and says that one of the cops patted her vagina during the arrest.   Mind you, she would probably be the one billionth customer in the NYC genital violation parade but that’s not the first thing that went to my mind.   First thing I thought was “She...

Three hundred sixty five days.   Yep, it’s been an interesting year.   Wrote some blogs, had a daughter, moved, delayed my book through 3 edits, got a new job, lost my dad and my grandma, drank a whole lot of liquor, dropped almost 2000 tweets, saw Killer Mike and Big Boi in concert, gained 15 pounds of muscle, lost 10 pounds of muscle and oh yeah, I stayed married for an entire year. I gotta tell ya, it’s not what I expected.   I’m not saying it’s better or worse but I think it’s only fair that I make some little observations.   I’ll make the disclaimer that I love my wife, absolutely love her.   Not for one second have I regretted marrying her.   That being said, let’s keep it real. First of all, you know how newlyweds on TV go at it like rabbits?   That shit ain’t eeeeeeven true.   Matter of fact, it’s worse than not true.   It’s just a lie.   I find myself trying to get my wife drunk so I can get her naked like she’s my pro...

As I watch political show after political show try to blame everything in the world on Barack Obama, I keep asking myself “Where have I seen this before?”   The answer is obvious, pretty much every job I’ve ever had where I’ve had the distinction of being the only Black guy.   It’s corporate America’s favorite contingency plan, blame the Black guy.   I call it the Black tax.   Every Black person that has ever had a job knows that you have to work harder than everybody else or they will call you lazy.   You have to be nice to dimwits or they will call you mean.   You will have to put up with slights from everyone in the company with a high school diploma because no matter how smart you are, some people just aren’t ready to think a Negro is smarter than them. You go through all of that and guess what, you still get paid less than any clean cut white dude in the building just because HR liked the cut of his jib. When America elected Barack, I was ...

I have had a lot of great relationships with women in my life.   I couldn’t rate them if I wanted to; that is, accept for the one with my wife, of course. But, looking back in all my dealings with the opposite sex, there are two women that stand out for two very different reasons.   They are the ones that I actually didn’t have a relationship with.   Of all the women I’ve dealt with, these two always stand out in my past.   These are the two that got away: I will use false names because I don’t like to embarrass people on the internet.   But, I will try to keep the pseudonyms close enough that these women know that I’m talking about them.   Shyra was a goddess.   I haven’t seen her in 10 years and to this day, she is the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever seen.   She was mixed or something.   She had the most beautiful gray eyes that you could get lost in at a single glance.   To this day, I don’t know if they were contacts...

I feel for those people in Boston.   As cynical as I am, I still feel for people that get killed or maimed for no good reason.   That being said, you can’t let your willingness to sympathize get in the way of your willingness to use your head.   That in mind there are two things that really bother me about this Boston bombing. First of all, before the suspects were identified, the way that the news outlets kept posing the question about whether or not the terrorist was foreign or domestic was appalling.   It was so upsetting because it was really coded language asking if the terrorist was a crazed Arab or crazed White man.   I spent 2 days yelling “What’s the fucking difference?”   If they wanted to know what kind of terrorist they were dealing with, the answer was obvious.   It was the kind of terrorist that blows people up.   That’s all they needed to know but of course, rationality isn’t always the American way.   Racism is the A...

It has dawned on me (several times) that the Maury Povich Show is basically the same damned thing over and over.   But I was thinking, there’s got to be a way to make this shit more exciting.   With that in mind, for all of you jobless midday drinkers and alcoholic insomniacs:   The Maury Povich Drinking Game (First one to get pregnant loses) Black Woman with multi colored weave:   All minorities drink Teenage White girl on stage: All White people drink Black man with White Baby momma: Everybody drink White man with Black Baby momma: Change the channel; you’re watching the wrong show Someone Belly Flops on couch: Chug until they fall on floor Someone Belly Flops on Floor: Chug until they get up Someone calls him ‘Murray’: Everybody Drink Multiple Baby Momma’s: Drink for each kid Someone dances on stage: Everyone of that sex drinks and imitates dance Audience Boos: Everyone drink Booze Audience Cheers: Cheers to everyone… so...

I’ve been a dad for nearly a day and a half and I’m already exhausted.   My daughter has little regard for day and night.   My daughter… It’s still really funny to me to say that. I know I wrote on my last blog that newborn babies are ugly and…. Well that’s still true, BUT that doesn’t mean that they aren’t precious.   My daughter is the most beautiful little person I’ve ever laid my eyes on.   She gave me the beginnings of a smile today and blew me away.   I knew I was got when I thought it was cute when she took a poo while I was changing her diaper.   Somehow in the span of 24 hours, doo doo became cute. Must be love. There are some other weird things going through my head as I look forward to raising a baby girl: Is this going to change my view of sluts and strippers?   At least 18 years ago, all those women were somebody’s little girl.   I would hate for my baby to have the same fate.   Then again, I want my baby to know ...