Skip to main content

Hypertension

Image result for Heart

I'm officially on drugs now.  Some shit called Amlodipine that may or may not give me cankles.  As you can imagine, I am not very excited about this.

The reason that I have to pop a pill every day is because a month ago my blood pressure was 160/120 which, for those of you scoring at home, is high as fuck.  Monday, my doctor had me in to make sure the first check was no anomaly.  This time my blood pressure was 180/110 which prompted an "Oh my goodness" from my nurse.  So what I'm saying is, I have high blood pressure.

What sucks about this development is that it is usually reserved for people that are overweight.  While I am carrying an old man pudge of a belly, I am 6 foot (6' 3" when leaving Family Dollar on State Ave) and 185 pounds of cut muscle.  Did I mention I was hot? Never mind that because hypertention has it's probz.

This is terrible for several reasons.  First and foremost, It could cause my dick to stop working in the next decade or so.  If you guys read my blog, I quite fond of dick working; even when it half asses.  So, pretty much anything I gotta do to keep my dick useful, I'm all in.

Also, I might die.  Three of the last four times I've had my blood pressure checked, someone has suggested that I'm going to have a stroke.  I completely understand that instantaneous death or partial paralyzation should be scary.  I also don't give a fuck.  Look, I've seen a lot of people go out. Like, a LOT of people and if If I keel over instantly whilst losing to Golden State on NBA 2K again, so be it.  Of course, there is the risk of God trolling me by killing me in the middle of spanking it to big girl porn... there's that.  I should avoid that.  The dying, not the big girls.  Big girls are awesome.  Stay on point.  I should take the pill.

Another thing,  I really gotta get serious about not smoking.  I know.  I should have never started and/or stopped long before now but again, dick not working is a hell of a motivator.  Also, it's money.  I totally will have more money from not inhaling it.  Not sure what I might spend it on but probably not something that will stop my dick from working... My dick is important to me.

Also, my girls are important to me and I don't want them to have to bury me too soon.  It's a thing that may happen in spite of my actions but if anyone is gonna get the old college try from me, it's my girls.  That being said I will take my little pill, do my ankle lifts and do what I can to keep my dick aloft when I'm 50.  Did I mention my dick is important to me?

Comments

Post a Comment

Got comments? Let it out. I always do.

Popular posts from this blog

Maury must be stopped. No one has profited more from Black people being ignorant than he.   I know the old saying: “Mama’s baby, Papa’s maybe.” But, contrary to popular belief, Black men love their children.   Everyone loves children.   Even if Black men realize that they aren’t bringing much to a household, they know that there is magic there.   That magic might be scary, like all magic, but it’s there.   There isn’t much difference between the love that develops between a man and a child with his D.N.A.   and a man that a child that he has raised. I am my father’s son.   No, I’m not light skinned or a hustler, but I laugh when I hear something funny.   I’ll sit on a porch and dink liquor all Saturday morning.   My toes are extraordinarily long (just like his).   I will see a beautiful woman and take notice just because I am a man and that’s what a man does.   My dad raised me well. When you see a Black man on Maury, y...
2 comments
Read more

For my friends that considered suicide when having a nigga in your corner isn't enough

I remember wanting to die.  I didn't want to kill myself per se, I just wished that I could just go the fuck away.  I was a young, skinny teenager that wasn't looking forward to anything outside of video games.  What kind of life is that? But teenage life is always stupid.  When the lead actor is phoning it in, the play sucks.  That is teenage life in America.  I wish I could say that only teenagers go dark enough to want to die but we all know that is not true.  Life gets so much harder for people that dare to be an adult. As an adult, I get reminded of my younger years because shit still gets dark.  When I feel that kind of hopelessness, I still remember the fire that gets lit inside of me.  My ability to say "Fuck all of these people." is my super power.  It is a necessary tool for me.  When all the love I try to spread around begins to fail that flaming hatred for those that I let push me there always comes back.  Someh...
Post a Comment
Read more

Code Cracked: LeBron

After LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers were swept by the Golden State Warriors my timeline was predictably filled with people arguing that LeBron couldn't possibly be the greatest of all time because he didn't fart rainbows or just will his team to victory. One of the most eyebrow raising post was of Michael Jordan celebrating another title.  I don't even remember what Mike was going on about but it made remember remember something about Mike that I had forgotten in all the Lebron comparisons: Mike was a complete asshole. Then, I got to thinking about Mike's heir (air) to the title of best in the game, Kobe.  Kobe wasn't brimming with personality but one thing that we should all agree on, is that he was also a fucking dick.  I specifically remember him ignoring Chris Rock on the sidelines like he was too focused to be funny. Then there's LeBron James.  Even when he has a team full of underachievers he has the nerve to pick up his purse and leave ra...
Post a Comment
Read more