The Rubber Room (It Might Suck being Kanye)

I only have one fear that has lasted the last 20 years of my life.  That is losing my mind.  I don't mean excessive drinking or getting some bad weed at a Redman concert.  I worry that I might go the kind of crazy that the only thing left to do is dope me up and sit me in a corner.  This is a possible reality for me.  I've been involved in some very public freak outs before.  So far, everything has snapped back in place with only one run in with the law.  Luckily that only ended me in County Jail for the weekend, not in the loony bin.

I don't fear insane asylums as places, either.  I know some people think they are scary because of all the medieval torture scenes they've seen in movies but that wouldn't be the worst part for me.  It would be the inability to communicate.  Worse yet, I'm afraid that I'll lose my will to communicate.  You have to find yourself in a lot of darkness to be too tired to attempt your own voice.

There is a difference between no one listening and looking deep inside yourself and hearing nothing at all.  That is a sorrowful madness but I also fear the opposite, the loud kind of crazy.

I have a tendency to think about more than one thing at once.  It's a gift.  People at work wonder how I remember so many things but a lot of times, I didn't stop thinking about something long enough to forget it.  However, in that there is a lot of room for confusion.  You see, thinking about 3 things and talking about one of them can be a difficult trick when you've been awake for 20 hours.  The result can be like dropping a bunch of flash cards on the floor and constantly picking up the wrong one to read off.

The longer it takes to pick up the pieces, the more hopeless it becomes.  Then you have two options.  You can pick one up and wing it from wherever luck takes you and hope you can bring it back together, or you can can give up, leave your cards on the floor, crawl in to a bottle or a book and hope something, anything lights your fire one day.

I guess it doesn't matter whether the mania or the depression gets you.  What matters is that you know the ledge and don't manage to fall.  With that in mind, I can't help to feel for Kanye West.

Let the internet tell it, he was taken away in cuffs during a mental health emergency.  While I may never know what events lead to this, I feel like Kanye has to feel either betrayed because the people around him felt that he had gone too far, or, he has to feel utterly defeated because, let's face it, he's an egomaniac.  Somebody that full of self esteem must not be able to handle having to take a seat to that degree.

I really want to chide Yeezy for proving that a nigga has to be crazy to be ouchea voting for Trump but I'd much rather he was regular ass stupid; not this.  I don't even wish this on his insufferable ass.

That is, if he actually went crazy and it's not the case that he just had a bad day around White people.  Kanye strikes me as the type to be that guy at the job that ate one too many slights at the dinner table and went all American Beauty over the asparagus.  He has been famous long enough that maybe he has forgotten that Black men can't do that shit.

To run it down, I don't want Mr. West to be sad, manic or to find out he can't be real nigga in Paris...  You know what, it kinda sucks being Kanye.