Skip to main content

I'll Fucking Kill You

You know how there's always a gorilla at the zoo that's sitting there, seemingly chilling, then suddenly he picks up an old tire and throws it at the 5th graders behind the glass for no damned reason?  My sub-conscious is that gorilla.

Sometimes I go about my day, eating my Flaming hot Funyons and the like, and something sparks the gorilla.  I calm down nearly as fast but for that split second I have decided to end someone's life.  "Who?", you may ask.  These muafuckas:


People That Take Forever to Pick Out a Blunt Wrap at the Gas Station

 When I'm about to spend my last 10 dollars on enough gasoline to get back and forth to work, I'm already not happy.  When I get behind some fool that can't decide between the strawberry and pineapple blunt wraps and ask the clerk if he/she can look at the packaging to decide, I seriously want to find out how hard it would be to break a human neck.  You no memory having bastard, you clearly aren't going to remember if you like the flavor or not.  You didn't last time.  You're holding up the line... Unless it's a hot woman, I'll admire the view from the back as long as it takes.  Because, you know...I'm a Black man, after all.

People That Blast Music...From Their Cell Phones

 All treble, my nigga?  Really?  And people have the audacity to bob their heads to this shit like they can hear the bass line.  There is no bass!  Listen up.  First, it's just plain rude.  Second, you are not doing Gucci Mane any favors by making his music sound even more trash than it actually is.  Buy some headphones, turn that shit off, or die.  Your choice.

People That Tailgate in Traffic

 Bitch, we're in traffic.  You know what's going to happen when I change lanes to let you by (because you can't change lanes by yourself because you're a fucking idiot)?  You will be next to me and in 30 seconds you will be behind me.  You know why?  Because we're in FUCKING TRAFFIC!  We are all going nowhere at 20 miles per hour.  I don't condone all these highway shootings but I understand, yo.  Some of those people were asking for it.  I would never shoot somebody from a moving car; too difficult.  Now, driving them off the road and beating them to death with a tire iron?  Now you're talking.

People That Intentionally Oversing Offkey Over my Radio

 Look.  What you listen to in your car, kitchen or sex dungeon is your bia.  Do your thing.  If I happen to be playing Purple Rain and you decide to howl over Prince, you simply deserve to die.  Nobody wants to hear your ass.  What we want to hear is the Purple genius, not hear you prove you know the lyrics to a Black song.  Silence your throat before my fine point pen does it for you.

People That Touch me for no Reason

 That's just me, though.  I have issues.


So, in conclusion, if any of this is used at some future trial, I just want the world to know that it isn't my fault that old lady didn't read my blog.  Reading is fundamental, motherfucker.


Comments

Post a Comment

Got comments? Let it out. I always do.

Popular posts from this blog

its a bird, it's a plane its a nigga wearing a cape!

I wish I was a super hero.  Even at this age I have delusions of saving people that far too often don't want to be saved. Seriously, how many stupid people can one city have?  That's not even counting all the people with Confederate flags on their cars or worse, Mitt Romney bumper stickers.  Those people just need to be slapped.  There are people in this city that still think drive by shootings are viable options to settling disputes that started on facebook... Fucking FACEBOOK.  Shooting these people would be counter productive and hypocritical but I do think someone should at least make an attempt to turn these people into useful members of society.  When that doesn't work, beat those assholes into submission.  Brutality worked during slavery and that had zero moral grounding.  I support routine beatings of people that obviously deserve it. First example: Sexual predators.  Something ridiculous, like 1 in 4 women are sexually ass...
Post a Comment
Read more
Maury must be stopped. No one has profited more from Black people being ignorant than he.   I know the old saying: “Mama’s baby, Papa’s maybe.” But, contrary to popular belief, Black men love their children.   Everyone loves children.   Even if Black men realize that they aren’t bringing much to a household, they know that there is magic there.   That magic might be scary, like all magic, but it’s there.   There isn’t much difference between the love that develops between a man and a child with his D.N.A.   and a man that a child that he has raised. I am my father’s son.   No, I’m not light skinned or a hustler, but I laugh when I hear something funny.   I’ll sit on a porch and dink liquor all Saturday morning.   My toes are extraordinarily long (just like his).   I will see a beautiful woman and take notice just because I am a man and that’s what a man does.   My dad raised me well. When you see a Black man on Maury, y...
2 comments
Read more

Uncle Tom is Back!!!!

and that nigga must be stopped! There has been a rash of Black Men in the last few years that have surged ahead in the fight to bring back right wing America.  It started with Clarence Thomas.  He scraped and bowed his way all the way to the Supreme Court.  We thought that was bad back in the day but oh no, it was only the beginning of the new black right wing. I should back up.  Black America has been inherently Conservative for a long time.  The reason being is that the Black church, the community's traditional leader, is inherently conservative.  Most of our leaders have come from the church and so stand against things like homosexuality, pre-marital sex and the right to an abortion. Luckily, most black people realized that right wing politics and conservative beliefs don't usually end well for the Black community.  By the mid '60s, the republican party had virtually abandoned Black voters so we migrated to the democratic party.  The dems...
Post a Comment
Read more