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I'll Fucking Kill You

You know how there's always a gorilla at the zoo that's sitting there, seemingly chilling, then suddenly he picks up an old tire and throws it at the 5th graders behind the glass for no damned reason?  My sub-conscious is that gorilla.

Sometimes I go about my day, eating my Flaming hot Funyons and the like, and something sparks the gorilla.  I calm down nearly as fast but for that split second I have decided to end someone's life.  "Who?", you may ask.  These muafuckas:


People That Take Forever to Pick Out a Blunt Wrap at the Gas Station

When I'm about to spend my last 10 dollars on enough gasoline to get back and forth to work, I'm already not happy.  When I get behind some fool that can't decide between the strawberry and pineapple blunt wraps and ask the clerk if he/she can look at the packaging to decide, I seriously want to find out how hard it would be to break a human neck.  You no memory having bastard, you clearly aren't going to remember if you like the flavor or not.  You didn't last time.  You're holding up the line... Unless it's a hot woman, I'll admire the view from the back as long as it takes.  Because, you know...I'm a Black man, after all.

People That Blast Music...From Their Cell Phones

All treble, my nigga?  Really?  And people have the audacity to bob their heads to this shit like they can hear the bass line.  There is no bass!  Listen up.  First, it's just plain rude.  Second, you are not doing Gucci Mane any favors by making his music sound even more trash than it actually is.  Buy some headphones, turn that shit off, or die.  Your choice.

People That Tailgate in Traffic

Bitch, we're in traffic.  You know what's going to happen when I change lanes to let you by (because you can't change lanes by yourself because you're a fucking idiot)?  You will be next to me and in 30 seconds you will be behind me.  You know why?  Because we're in FUCKING TRAFFIC!  We are all going nowhere at 20 miles per hour.  I don't condone all these highway shootings but I understand, yo.  Some of those people were asking for it.  I would never shoot somebody from a moving car; too difficult.  Now, driving them off the road and beating them to death with a tire iron?  Now you're talking.

People That Intentionally Oversing Offkey Over my Radio

Look.  What you listen to in your car, kitchen or sex dungeon is your bia.  Do your thing.  If I happen to be playing Purple Rain and you decide to howl over Prince, you simply deserve to die.  Nobody wants to hear your ass.  What we want to hear is the Purple genius, not hear you prove you know the lyrics to a Black song.  Silence your throat before my fine point pen does it for you.

People That Touch me for no Reason

That's just me, though.  I have issues.


So, in conclusion, if any of this is used at some future trial, I just want the world to know that it isn't my fault that old lady didn't read my blog.  Reading is fundamental, motherfucker.


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