Where They Do That At?

If twitter has taught me anything, it is that people not named Rosario Dawson are horrible.  If twitter has taught me two things it is that, though horrible, people lead some really interesting lives in the wake of their fuckery.  Here are a few examples of the shit people pull that makes me wonder whyhowwhowhatthefuck!?

People That Carry out Lengthy Affairs

I understand the whole "I was drunk and I was drinking with Bill Cosby earlier and my man was out of town" type of fling.  You messed up but you returned to reality shortly there after.  Shit happens and life usually doesn't grant the preferred allotment of booty in long term relationships.  You guys are wrong but I understand.  If Mariah starts talking all greasy to me in the VIP, I'm probably gonna have some splaining to do to the wife, myself.  What throws me is married or otherwise monogamous people that carry month and maybe year long relationships with a side piece.  How much lying can one person do before they wake up and go "Okay, this has gone too far."  Also, who has the time?  With my 2-year old, my job, my wife and my xbox, I wouldn't have time for an affair if Sofia Vegara moved into my guest room.  I mean you can carry out multiple sexual relationships pretty easily, but a legit, emotional relationship?  I get worn out with my one.  If I was doing that with two women, I'm pretty sure I would one day disappear into the Arizona desert and change my name Ignacio the drifter.  Hats off to you big hearted lunatics attempting this voyage of Titanic proportions.

Functional Alcoholics

I don't know about you guys but when I'm drinking, the last thing I want to do is function.  Not once have I hit the Cuervo too many times and thought "I should get some work done."

People That Have Unprotected Sex with Strangers

Don't get me wrong, I like unprotected sex.  It is as the lord hath intended.  You know what I don't like?  A good pregnancy scare.  I remember my first one like it was yesterday.  Long story short, ladies, if you have irregular periods from time to time, you may want to inform a nigga BEFORE you say that you might be pregnant.  Reason being, if we ain't doing it raw, the only proper response to "I might be pregnant." is "By who?" and then nobody gets laid for a loooong time.  Not to mention there are diseases out there that may forever dampen your chances of finding a mate.  Nobody thinks herpes are cute.

Internet Trolls

I've gone in on Nick Cannon for no reason (okay no good reason) but he was sleeping with Mariah Carey at the time... I'm sure he got over it.  The reason I bring this up is that I for real felt the need to apologize afterward (I didn't, but still).  Nobody should feel good for bringing negativity in the world and there are people who do this shit to strangers all damned day.  For what?  You don't get any cooler by tearing down rich people who've never met you.  Why not spread love or at least flirtation and maybe someone moderately sexy might come along and give you something else to do at 2AM on a Saturday night.

Trump Supporters

Give me one good reason for this dude to be Commander and Chief of the fiercest fighting force known to man.  I'll wait...

People That Won't Date INSIDE Their Own Race

I get it.  Some people like flat booties and think macaroni should come from a microwave.  I get it.  You have a shallow vagina and actually believe the dude that plays Thor is the sexiest man alive.  But what is the reason you won't date another Black person?  You just don't want to associate with Blackness because being Black is a soul crushing experience and you're trying to get out.  Just admit it.  You should probably survey the other side of the fence because some people are quite enamored with chocolate because...

Black women are strong and sassy and age slower than glaciers move and my lord those booties.  Or, Black men got that pipe game and aren't emotional midgets that like to get it on through the pee pee hole in their boxers.  But maybe, just maybe its possible that our melanin content isn't the entirety of who we are as potential mates.  I guess the point I'm trying to make is it isn't other people's race that makes them ugly, it's your own prejudices that make you date out of your race exclusively.  To put it bluntly, get out there and screw a Mexican.

This is a crazy world y'all.  There's no point in causing craziness.  It will fall out the sky when it's good and ready.  Stop calling it down.