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Let's get quixotic in here!

I don't remember my first dunk or my last one but I remember my best one like it was yesterday.  It was at the Student Recreation Fitness Center on the 1920 court at the University of Kansas.  It was one of those slow days where the sorority girls were out pre-partying.  The muscle heads had already buffed up and were already spaying on their tans.  The football and basketball teams were in season and all the cool kids were readying their nights out.  Night had fallen on KU's gym and I had the court to myself.

This was the downhill of my prime dunking years.  I couldn't get to the court like I could in undergrad but on a nice day where I was rested (rarely), had eaten healthy food (more rarely), and was full of piss and venom (5 days a week), I could still put one down; no ally oop, no set up.

On days like this one I would mostly work on my jumper.  People that played with me knew I had something like LeBron's jumper.  When it was on it was a sight, when it wasn't you would wonder if I had the right amount of fingers.

That day however I went straight in to the jumping. after several very close, self thrown, oops, Gnarls Barkley's 'Crazy' came on the radio.  It isn't what I would call a 'hype' song but it had just come out and I got that feeling.  I knew this next one was going in so I backed to the left hand three point line and threw my self the high bounce pass and took off after it.  It was a bad throw, too far, but I chased it anyway.  It popped up on the far side of the rim but apexed at the perfect height.  I mean, it stalled out exactly where the bottom of the ball cleared the top of the rim.  I leaped, turned, flushed and let my momentum turn me completely around.  I lost sight of the rim just as I let go of it and it snapped back up and the ball whisked through the net.  It was a successful 180 (more like 200 degrees but who's counting).

Do remember the feeling you got when you slept with somebody you thought you had no chance at?  Not the orgasm part, the part where you go to take her top off and there was absolutely no objection?  (Ladies I don't know the female equivalent of that experience.  Maybe it's when you've been dying for an enigmatic Black nerd to make his move and he's balked 188 times.  Then he comes over your house on New year's and was about to crash but then you guys ended up next to each other and then awesomeness ensued... hypothetically, I mean.)  It was that "Holy shit, that just hapened!", kind of moment.

I looked around for witnesses and there was nothing.  No young White girl with the lanyard and polo shirt that pretends to be security.  No cross court pick up game still developing with 7 or 9 players waiting on a straggler, nothing.  The 6 Asian guys there were engrossed in 3-on-3 and nobody was there but me and Gnarls Barkley... and I was the king of the world.

Tried it several times since to no avail.  Nothing even close.  Flash forward to the year 2015.  I hadn't played ball in several years.  I am goofing off at work when I came across this story on SI.com by Michael McNight  here.  At 42, this white man, that was my height, decided that he was gonna throw one down.  When I finished that article it was clear what I wanted for my 35th birthday.  Not a new laptop, not a an Xbox one, not even marital oral (you know you feel me) but I wanted that bra to come off one more time.  I want to dunk again.

Now, I have 5 weeks before I turn 35.  I think I have a slight advantage because I have dunked before.  I know that was about 20 million tequila shots ago but I'm strong, very strong.  What' I'm not is explosive.  I can barely touch the rim, let alone grab it.  That might be related to the fact that I'm extremely tight.  I'm tight like if I got any worse, I could probably file for disability.  I'm really hoping daily stretching and using a foam roller will at least buy me an inch.  I also have several jumping exercises I stole from youtube that seem to already be helping and I'm only two weeks into this quest.  If nothing else it's making my thighs bigger an strangely making my ass look nicer (thanks for asking).

I will keep you guys updated, but as of this moment I'm confident one of these babies is going down.  Sure, I know that this might be as silly as Don Quixote facing a windmill with a lance but hey, just because it isn't a dragon doesn't mean you can't take it's ass down.

One final note:  It feels good to have a quest that has nothing to do with video games or my bank account.  I haven't chased some stupid goal in some time and it's nice to get out there with a purpose.  I want to encourage you guys to try something barely possible just like Michael McNight in the article.  What's the worse that could happen?  Aside from the the inevitable hamstring pull, sore knee and stiff back, I mean.

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