Being Daddy

Today is my daughter’s first birthday.  She had an exciting day of playing at the park, getting her ears pierced and smashing a cupcake into a fine paste and subsequently smearing it into her hair and face… didn’t eat a bite.

I spent most of the day reflecting on how my life has gone since that sunny day last year.  I was too tired for any epiphanies (yes, I woke up tired).  But I did manage to think of some things.

First of all, I’m fucking exhausted.  I go to work all day and get worn out.  Then, I come home and get even more worn out.  The baby don’t want to hear about how hard my day was and my co-workers don’t want to hear how the baby had me up late.  End result: tired as FUCK!

Secondly, they say that having a baby girl softens men.  I don’t think I’ve seen much of that.  If anything I’m quicker to bear my teeth.  I feel a little bit of an urge to protect my growing pack.  If I had a little boy, I might not be so apt to wear my “protector” mask.  The crazy thing about that is that I try not to be so patriarchal.  My wife, however, isn’t much help with that sort of stuff.  It is hard to ignore what people expect of you, especially when it is your closest loved ones doing it so I try to be tough for them but not too tough… that is much tougher than it sounds.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that going to work isn’t as hard.  Turns out you can shovel a bit more shit when you know somebody is relying on you to come home with that powdered milk money.

I would delve more in to this but like I said earlier, I’m fucking tired.  Many of you have already noted how infrequent these blogs have come.  The reason is that I can only use the computer while the baby sleeps.  She has a thing for forcing the screen open as wide as possible and leaning on the ‘delete’ key just so she can hear the error tone… yeah, not much of a help.

Before I go, if this is you, Elle, reading this sometime in the future, wondering what your dad was like, please know that your daddy loves you with every breath.  You are the best thing I’ve ever done.  You make me laugh and smile in my darkest hours and make me work hard even when I think things are going fine.  I do it all for you and mommy and I always will.  Just try to remember, daddies need sleep too.  Love you, always.

-          Daddy

Today is my daughter’s first birthday.  She had an exciting day of playing at the park, getting her ears pierced and smashing a cupcake into a fine paste and subsequently smearing it into her hair and face… didn’t eat a bite.

I spent most of the day reflecting on how my life has gone since that sunny day last year.  I was too tired for any epiphanies (yes, I woke up tired).  But I did manage to think of some things.

First of all, I’m fucking exhausted.  I go to work all day and get worn out.  Then, I come home and get even more worn out.  The baby don’t want to hear about how hard my day was and my co-workers don’t want to hear how the baby had me up late.  End result: tired as FUCK!

Secondly, they say that having a baby girl softens men.  I don’t think I’ve seen much of that.  If anything I’m quicker to bear my teeth.  I feel a little bit of an urge to protect my growing pack.  If I had a little boy, I might not be so apt to wear my “protector” mask.  The crazy thing about that is that I try not to be so patriarchal.  My wife, however, isn’t much help with that sort of stuff.  It is hard to ignore what people expect of you, especially when it is your closest loved ones doing it so I try to be tough for them but not too tough… that is much tougher than it sounds.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that going to work isn’t as hard.  Turns out you can shovel a bit more shit when you know somebody is relying on you to come home with that powdered milk money.

I would delve more in to this but like I said earlier, I’m fucking tired.  Many of you have already noted how infrequent these blogs have come.  The reason is that I can only use the computer while the baby sleeps.  She has a thing for forcing the screen open as wide as possible and leaning on the ‘delete’ key just so she can hear the error tone… yeah, not much of a help.

Before I go, if this is you, Elle, reading this sometime in the future, wondering what your dad was like, please know that your daddy loves you with every breath.  You are the best thing I’ve ever done.  You make me laugh and smile in my darkest hours and make me work hard even when I think things are going fine.  I do it all for you and mommy and I always will.  Just try to remember, daddies need sleep too.  Love you, always.

-          Daddy