Why You Should be Celebrating Kwanzaa

I know that most you have no idea what Kwanzaa is so let me say this...  Do I look like fucking Google to you?  Google that shit and come back.  I’ll wait…

Now that that’s done, I know a lot of you still don’t see why you should interrupt your binge drinking this week to celebrate this relatively new holiday.  Welp, I have come up with a few reasons that we should all dawn our dashikis and get our harambee on.  And yes, my non-black friends, this concerns you as well.

 

Black people, niggas haven’t ruined this yet.  This isn’t like the first week of the showing for Django.  Getting on to Kwanzaa now is like going to see 12 years a slave in the suburbs 4 months after release.  It might be some hip White folks there and perhaps some interracial couples but dumb niggas just ain’t coming.  Trust me; we lost most of the dumb niggas when I asked them to Google something that lead them to pages with very few booties and a whole lot of words.
 

White people, for a week you can get black people to rationally talk about race.  I’ve tried on many occasions to have normal conversations about race with people of all backgrounds and it usually ends with me swearing to never try that again.  During Kwanzaa celebrations, White people have the chance to observe Black people just talking about being Black.  It’s kind of like what Black people do every time we get stuck in the break room at work.

 

Everybody, Kwanzaa requires reflection and reverence.  These are two things that you can do while really drunk, in fact, you will probably be better at it after that third glass of eggnog.  Think about it.  After a certain amount drinks, we all start missing one dead homie or another.  Plus there are libations on every day of Kwanzaa so you won’t have to feel bad before taking a sip before its time to harambee.

 

Black people, what other time do we get to be Black and proud in public, in the middle of winter, no less?  I’m not talking about any stereotypical, Tyler Perry type shit.  We can sit around and talk about our history and our future and actually talk about it in a good way.  We can’t even do that in February.

 

White people, you know all that Black stuff that you’re too embarrassed to admit.  You have a week to get it out of your system.  Break out your Al Green records, your best dance moves and those dresses that actually accentuate the size of your ass and go at it.

 

Everybody, African American culture has brought us Michael Jordan, Queen Latifah, Muhammad Ali, and at least half of Mariah Carey, Halle Berry and Barack Obama.  Isn’t it fair that after 358 days of Blackness taking a beating in the media that we get seven days of high fives?

 

Black people, we can’t let bourgeois Black people have this to themselves.  They always see themselves as superior since they have managed to get their money up.  Along with their bank accounts, upscale Black folks see themselves as moral leaders.  Kwanzaa celebrates things like unity, cooperative economics and creativity.  The Black middle class can’t be the only ones pretending to hold a moral compass.  I mean, rich White people hold their moral compass and all we have is the Republican Party to show for it.

 

White people, aren’t you guys tired of blind commercialism?  In between fighting at Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving, bribing your loved ones to love you until next Christmas and drinking yourselves into believing that next year will be different, why not sit down and think about self-determination, purpose or faith?

 

Everybody, let’s face it.  Christmas gets lamer every year.  The music stinks, it makes people act crazy and nobody bought me an x box one.  It would probably be better if we celebrated a holiday that aimed at making us feel better about ourselves.

 

With this in mind, Harambee bitches.  Get your Kwanzaa on!!!