Where yo man at?

Being the lame that I am, I know a lot of super hot Black women that would never ever give me the draws.  Crazy enough, these same women often raise the question as to why they can’t find a good man.

Now, the smartass answer is “Because you didn’t give me no ass before I met my wife.”  But, that is unfair.  I gots no game and usually ended up in the friend zone because being a friend is what I’m good at.  Getting a woman naked i not.  The fact that I know so many single and hot Black women does make me wonder what the fuck is going on in the Black community that only the women that don’t have their shit together seem to have men all over them.

I have a few theories.

1:  Internalized racism

I know that some of you are wondering how I’m gonna blame this on the White man…  Here’s how.  You see, people tend to seek relationships with those that they think that they can actually get and Black men get told that they ain’t shit their whole lives.  Therefore if they internalize that sentiment, they are only going to go after women that they see in the same light.  That means that any Black woman that has been to college, has her own job and understands the intricacies of birth control will undoubtedly be seen as unattainable.

2:  Sometimes you’re just stuck up

Alright, this is the inverse of reason one.  A lot of Black women better themselves because they want to be seen as a higher grade.  That’s cool and all if you are looking for a good job but when it comes to the dating pool, you are deliberately excluding people.  At some point, you can’t be shocked when you run fresh out of niggas.  That’s not exactly being stuck up, but when you purposely exclude your options, don’t be surprised when you eventually have none.

3:  Dumb niggas always win

Ladies, imagine a Black man with that dropped out of high school at the 10^th grade.  He has tattoos, gold teeth and three kids.  Okay, now imagine a brother with a PhD. in American history and closet full of khakis.  Which one did you fuck while you were drunk on your birthday?  Exactly.  I don’t want to jump on dumb niggas because there are certain things that educated people think their ways out of when they would have enjoyed the experience (i.e. getting laid) but you never make HUGE mistake by not sleeping with a stranger.  Dumb niggas don’t get that, so dumb niggas get them panties off before us nerds.  Don’t think that I’m just laying the blame on the sisters for this one.  Smart brothers tend to think that they are above the town whore, which may be true but sometimes (most of the time) getting laid is just a bit better than feeling like you’re better than someone else.

4:  Jesus is a hater

The Black church has a stranglehold on Black sexuality.  The Black church has an interesting dynamic at work.  It is headed by men but the women are its lifeblood.  That means men with any power in the church have access to a multitude of women, and men with no power in the church just have incentive to be head usher, choir director or on the deacon board.  I don’t envy the women that feel the need to compete over the affection of a few men.  That always leads to some jerk exploiting his position to get with the greatest ass he can get.

5:  Some of you ladies fucked it up early

I know a beautiful, 35 year old woman with four kids.  She has one in college and one in diapers.  She is smart, has a decent job and oh yeah, four kids.  Before she was ready for an adult relationship, she already had more baggage than any decent man was ready to handle.  That pretty much doomed her relationships with decent men since 2003.   Now, I don’t mind a single mother but I understand that some guys do.  When you are just out for fun, having a kid around is a bit of a buzz kill.  Also, when you are guaranteed that you are only going to be second fiddle from the onset, you can’t be surprised that a man that is driven to be top notch is not willing to be down with that.

 

I know some great women and they have all made my life just a bit better.  I wish they all would find  love, or happiness or great sex or what it is that they are looking for.  They ain’t looking for somebody like me and that was a difficult pill to swallow but taking responsibility for being yourself never is.

Now, after they’ve decided that I’m awesome and ask if I know anyone like me, I’m not sure what to say.  I could tell them how beautiful that they are or how they can do without some man.  Or… I could tell them the truth, it’s kinda their fault that they’re lonely, but I still love ya’ll.