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What are you going to do this weekend?  Watch some basketball?  See a parade?  Drink until you puke?  Oh, me???  I’m probably going to have a baby.  That’s right, a Mini-Cogito is headed to the world.

It’s beautiful and awe inspiring and all that but it’s also nerve racking.  I haven’t had a good night sleep in weeks.  The worst part of that, when I do sleep I get crazy, baby dreams.  Several times, the baby has talked to me.  I don’t mean goo-goo ga-ga stuff either.  I mean clear ass English.  “Hi Daddy, let’s play!” coming out of an infant.  I wake up going, “What the fuck was that?”

It’s messed up because I used to have anxiety because I didn’t have a job but somehow I actually found a semi-decent one but still, no sleep.  I can’t even take my usual insomnia killer, massive amounts of Cuervo, because not only do I have to go to work in the morning, I might have to drive my wife to the hospital at a moment’s notice.  I’m getting all anxious even thinking about it.

It’s not all bad though.  I think raising a baby will be fun.  I’m not sure what kind of dad I’ll be, but I have a whole lot of love to give and I aims to pour it out in buckets, which will be odd to do with someone I won’t be able to get drunk with for 21 years. 

We don’t even know if it is a boy or girl yet.  We have names picked out but without knowing the sex, it’s hard to visualize the poor kid.  I went to Lamaze class with my wife and I’ll try not to think about the baby as a newborn.  I love kids and all but for the first week and a half, those are some ugly creatures.  They need to send they asses home in hoodies and Versace shades… But I digress.

It is kind of nice to know my balls work.  On second thought… overrated.  It’s nice to create life and all but it would be nice to be able to turn my balls off from time to time.  Lord knows that I don’t need any more kids any time soon.

Seriously though, I love the baby already.  I can’t wait to hold it close and let it hold my fingers and just carry it around.  I might even hold it in my lap when I’m playing Call of Duty.  There might even be a KU vs. K-state game this weekend but if the baby comes calling, I won’t even care.  Well, maybe a little… if it’s a close game… Just playing, baby.  Daddy loves you more than the Jayhawks.  You’ll know how much that means soon enough.

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