Skip to main content

Dream Small


There was once a point in my life that all I ever wanted to be was an average Joe.  You know, work at a desk, stare at a computer and drive a nice Honda Civic and shit.  But, you see, there was one fatal flaw in that plan.  It seems like that sort of thing just isn’t in my nature.

I’ve always been a bit of a dreamer and being a nobody just wasn’t going to sit right with me for forever.  Don’t get me wrong, I really like having steady income.  I especially like the kind of money that I can stack up and spend on the weekends.  However, there has always been that part of me that strived for something more.

Even going to college was a part of dreaming big for me.  That college life I saw on TV didn’t relate to me but I’ve always been a bit of a braniac and if you want to increase your brain power, college is the place to be.

So I chased that dream and not long after I finished, I dreamt of more education and so I went back.  Call it delusions of grandeur or whatever you want, all these years later, I still want more.

Soon I will be a published author and as that time draws closer I reflect on what it takes to chase a dream and if there’s one thing about chasing your dreams that I want to share with you, it is that chasing your dreams fucking sucks.

Seriously though, it’s terrible.

I went to college to be a happy corporate cog and that shit didn’t pan out at all.  The best job I got was changing oil at Wal-Mart.

Then I went to study philosophy and while I did learn a great deal about the world and myself, I unfortunately learned that there is an inordinate amount or irrational, stupid motherfuckers in the world.  We’ll call that one a scratch.

Now I got this book coming out and I will be very proud of it, even it sells one copy, but I have given up a lot for this dream.  Not so much as the 50 grand I’ve spent on education, but still, there’s definitely been some cost.  I haven’t had a real job for over a year.  I haven’t had a car for longer than that.  Whilst trying to finish this book I’ve been forced to work day labor jobs and live off of unemployment.  Also, during this time, I not only got married, but managed to knock up my wife.  So now I have a wife, a baby on the way and no damned job (I’m looking though, I’m looking)… but one hell of a dream.

I don’t expect that I’ll become some world famous author or anything but hey, that shit certainly wouldn’t have happened if I never wrote the book so fuck it, I wrote the book.

If I ever make it big, we can all go back to this blog post and laugh.  However, if I one day find myself a retiring janitor let this be a lesson for posterity.  Do yourself a favor, stick to dreaming about getting laid.  That shit is gonna happen eventually… well, for most of us. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Got comments? Let it out. I always do.

Popular posts from this blog

Maury must be stopped. No one has profited more from Black people being ignorant than he.   I know the old saying: “Mama’s baby, Papa’s maybe.” But, contrary to popular belief, Black men love their children.   Everyone loves children.   Even if Black men realize that they aren’t bringing much to a household, they know that there is magic there.   That magic might be scary, like all magic, but it’s there.   There isn’t much difference between the love that develops between a man and a child with his D.N.A.   and a man that a child that he has raised. I am my father’s son.   No, I’m not light skinned or a hustler, but I laugh when I hear something funny.   I’ll sit on a porch and dink liquor all Saturday morning.   My toes are extraordinarily long (just like his).   I will see a beautiful woman and take notice just because I am a man and that’s what a man does.   My dad raised me well. When you see a Black man on Maury, y...
2 comments
Read more

For my friends that considered suicide when having a nigga in your corner isn't enough

I remember wanting to die.  I didn't want to kill myself per se, I just wished that I could just go the fuck away.  I was a young, skinny teenager that wasn't looking forward to anything outside of video games.  What kind of life is that? But teenage life is always stupid.  When the lead actor is phoning it in, the play sucks.  That is teenage life in America.  I wish I could say that only teenagers go dark enough to want to die but we all know that is not true.  Life gets so much harder for people that dare to be an adult. As an adult, I get reminded of my younger years because shit still gets dark.  When I feel that kind of hopelessness, I still remember the fire that gets lit inside of me.  My ability to say "Fuck all of these people." is my super power.  It is a necessary tool for me.  When all the love I try to spread around begins to fail that flaming hatred for those that I let push me there always comes back.  Someh...
Post a Comment
Read more

Code Cracked: LeBron

After LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers were swept by the Golden State Warriors my timeline was predictably filled with people arguing that LeBron couldn't possibly be the greatest of all time because he didn't fart rainbows or just will his team to victory. One of the most eyebrow raising post was of Michael Jordan celebrating another title.  I don't even remember what Mike was going on about but it made remember remember something about Mike that I had forgotten in all the Lebron comparisons: Mike was a complete asshole. Then, I got to thinking about Mike's heir (air) to the title of best in the game, Kobe.  Kobe wasn't brimming with personality but one thing that we should all agree on, is that he was also a fucking dick.  I specifically remember him ignoring Chris Rock on the sidelines like he was too focused to be funny. Then there's LeBron James.  Even when he has a team full of underachievers he has the nerve to pick up his purse and leave ra...
Post a Comment
Read more